My lover is radiant and ruddy, outstanding among ten thousand. His head is purest gold; his hair is wavy and black as a raven. His eyes are like doves by the water streams, washed in milk, mounted like jewels. His cheeks are like bed of spice yielding perfume. His lips are like lilies dripping with myrrh. His arms are of gold set with chrysolite. His body is like polished ivory decorated with sapphires..(Song of Solomon 5:10-14)
Over the past week, I have published articles on a theme based on relationship matters. I trust that you are left feeling empowered just as much as I have! In summary as I promised, here now are my 17 best tips/advice on making your relationship last for a lifetime:-
- Get to know yourself first, seek God to get a clear understanding of your purpose in life before you go searching for that special person to try to understand you or you trying to learn about him/her.
- God gave man the assignment and the woman as his help meet. Guys, ladies can help you best to accomplish your earthly assignment when you understand clearly what it is and communicate the vision to her. Ladies, understand your role/responsibility to him - be in submission to him and not try to dominate.
- If you intend to fall in love, let it be with the one you've clearly formed a strong bond of friendship with. It's a key foundational element and makes the leave and cleave and the oneness process smoother.
- It is best to fall in love with your soul mate (soul and spirit connection and likeness) and not your flesh mate (body attraction)
- Identify your relationship values, and the ones that lead to lasting love (honesty, respect, trust, faithfulness, spirituality, etc) and then work toward finding the one who shares those same values with you.
- If you've just broken off a relationship with a mate, it is not a good time to go falling in love right then with someone else - you could be on the rebound and it is quite possible what you are feeling for the other person is not true love. Give yourself time to heal.
- Ladies give your mate the respect he deserves - a man gives more love and intimacy when he feels most respected. Guys give your mate the love and the intimacy she needs - she will give you the respect you are looking for.
- Whatever you longed for most as a child from your parents and you did not get, it becomes your deepest longing as an adult and what you crave for the most from your mate. Often times it becomes a source of frustration, especially if your mate is not giving it. The best advice is to identify what it is, and you and your mate have a discussion geared towards finding a lasting solution.
- Men are more sight driven while women are more driven by emotions. Give affirmation and compliments to each other constantly. Give no room/place/open door for a third party!
- Never let your 'flaws' run unchecked so that they end up driving you and your mate apart. They are source of conflicts so talk about them, nip them in the bud.
- You will be better off avoiding these four 'wild horses' of failed relationships - criticism (constantly speaking bad about the other person's personality/character); contempt (constantly putting down the other person); defensiveness (knit-picking and constantly rebuffing the other person's complaint); stonewalling (clamming up and refusing to talk things through with the other person)
- It's not about who's wrong and either of you trying to pass the blame, it's about what is wrong and how the both of you can work together to fix the problem. Be angry but sin not and let not the the sun go down on your wrath.
- Never make financial decisions on your own, especially major ones which are likely to have a long-term impact on your family. Discuss with your partner and have both of you reach a joint decision.
- If your partner had a long tiring day, it is not a good time to place demands for intimacy/sex, etc. Give consideration, make it fun and interesting - even setting up a date for the next time.
- Forgive one another in love. No one is perfect.
- Have good open communication - DO NOT NAG! Have constructive, positive dialogue.
- Accept and embrace each others' unique differences. Cultivate the strengths/gifts. Constantly focusing on your weaknesses, you become mediocre. You were both meant to compliment each other, not to compete with and/or try to change the other person.