Editor's note: In this article, the author offers a balanced critical view on a trend, that while good natured, could be doing some damage as well. EMB opted to share it so that it can create more dialogue in your personal ministry networks while it encourages you to use your leadership platforms and forums wisely when speaking about your wife and women in general.
Pastor, Your Wife Might Be "Smokin' Hot," But... by Jeff Fischer
It seems like the phrase "My smokin' hot wife" is coming into mainstream Christianity now. I have heard a number of preachers uses the phrase from the pulpit, especially when they are sharing messages on sex.
And have you seen this video (below) of a pastor at a NASCAR race praying, thanking God for the racetrack, the racing teams, the cars, the drivers, the cans of Sunoco fuel and his smokin' hot wife?
When pastors talk about their wives as "smokin' hot" or call attention to their physical beauty in a sermon, I think they are:
- Trying to show their congregation that they love their wives and are attracted to them.
- Teaching that it's OK to admire beauty and to be sexually attracted to one another.
- Show genuine thankfulness to God.
- Saying to congregants, indirectly, "hands off my wife, she's mine."
- Saying to congregants, indirectly, "I'm taken, I don't need an adulterous relationship, "I have a wonderful wife."
Using "smoking hot" to describe your wife is fantastic, but I believe it needs to retreat to something you privately say to your wife. I don't think we should be using this phrase publicly.
Why pastors shouldn't say it publicly:
1. Strong sexual connotations with the phrase in our culture
The phrase is already being used in our culture to describe Hugh Hefner's girlfriends, Miss America, America's Top Model and the Hooter's waitresses you saw during lunch. It's not a phrase we nee to "claim for Jesus" from our pulpits.
2. Focuses on the wrong thing
The message a pastor is sending is "look at the package." God teaches us to value women, honor them, love them.
3. Has objectification written all over it.
There's a fine line between admiring beauty and objectifying. In a lust-driven society, we may say we're admiring beauty, but we're really saying, "I want that for my own visual or sexual pleasure." When we objectify, we don't value the human being, we take the picture, video or live person in front of us for our own pleasure.
4. What message is this sending to wives?
Wives have a hard enough time with low self-esteem when it comes to their image. Magazines and movies already teach women that image is the most important thing; they don't need their pastor sending the same message.
5. What if I don't have a "smoking hot" wife?
Guys get jealous quick and covetous of another's "smoking hot" wife whenever their relational intimacy at home is failing.
6. Is the pastor more blessed for having a "smokin' hot wife"?
Any wife is a blessing from the Lord. The illusion for some is that the holy guys get better looking women. Would you be thanking God for your "average looking" wife? Would you even acknowledge this from the pulpit?
7. It draws attention to your wife that could cause others to stumble
When I hear anyone say he has a "smoking hot" wife, I want to check her out for myself. I want to rate her on the "smokin' hotness" scale. You push my button and trigger me to check out your wife.
Say it, but say it privately.
I want to tell my wife that she's beautiful. I'm attracted to her.I have this deep churning inside me that makes me want to shower my wife with compliments, gifts, acts of service and affection. It's normal. It's a God-given desire. And it's what a healthy romantic relationship looks like. I shouldn't be ashamed of the phrase, but I should use discretion as to where and when I use it.
To me, my wife is "smokin hot." It starts with me visually admiring my wife's physical beauty. But as I am growing in my sexuality, emotionally and relationally, I am finding deeper, more fulfilling connections with my wife. I am attracted to her physically, but I am more attracted to her strength of character, her ability to organize, her loyalty, her love for our children and her grace toward me.
Preachers, let's move you and your "smokin' hot" wife back to the bedroom.
What do you think?
Are pastors doing a good thing when they call their wives 'smokin' hot'?
Am I being hypersensitive about this?
source: Covenant Eyes Breaking Free Blog
Jeff Fischer is a minister, blogger and podcaster from Raleigh, NC. He is a graduate of Southwestern Seminary in Ft. Worth and pastored churches in Texas and New York. Deep recovery began for Jeff when his pornography addiction caused him to lose his ministry position. For the first time, he began discovering the sexual health that God intended for him and for his marriage.
visit his website: porntopurity.com
photo provided by EMB